Premature Solicitation


prematureExcerpt from Business Networking + Sex By Ivan Misner

Has someone you didn’t even know solicited you for a referral or business? I call this “Premature Solicitation” (Say that fast three times and you might get in trouble!)

I’ve been a victim of “premature solicitation” many times. I was recently speaking at a business networking event, and, before my presentation, a man came up to me and said, “Hi, it is a real pleasure to meet you. I understand you know Richard Branson. I offer specialized marketing services and I am sure his Virgin enterprises could benefit from what I provide. Could you please introduce me to him so that I can show him how this would assist his companies?”

Ok, so what I was thinking was:

Are you completely insane? I’m going to introduce you, someone I don’t know and don’t have any relationship with, to Sir Richard, whom I’ve only met a few times, so that you can proceed to attempt to sell him a product or service that I don’t know anything about and haven’t used myself? Yeah, right. That’s NEVER going to happen.

I am pleased to report, however, that with much effort, I was able to keep that little monologue inside my own head, opting instead for a much more subtle response.

I replied, “Hi, I’m Ivan, I’m sorry – I don’t think we’ve met before, what was your name again?” That surprised that man enough to make him realize that his “solicitation” might have been a bit “premature”. I explained that I regularly refer people to my contacts, but only after I’ve established a long-term, strong relationship with the service provider first. He said thanks and moved on to his next victim.

What was even more amazing to me was that a few months later I blogged about my experience on one of my favourite online social networks. A great dialogue ensued with most people sharing their horror stories and frustrations about people who pounce on them at networking meetings asking for business even though they’ve never met the person before.

Every time I start to think this is an almost universal feeling of distaste for that approach to networking, I am brought back to reality by the minority of people who still think that this is actually a good networking technique.

To my astonishment, a man on the forum actually wrote:

I don’t happen to believe that you need a relationship with a person you are asking first. What you must have is a compelling story or product/service that would genuinely benefit the referral. The fact that you had not cultivated a relationship with the person has become irrelevant because, more importantly, you have been in a position to help [your contact] benefit from the introduction. If it’s of genuine benefit to the person being referred, I don’t see the problem.

It’s about the benefit of what’s being referred rather than the relationship with the person asking for the referral

Who am I to deny my contacts something good?

Wow. What can I say? The “relationship” is irrelevant! All you have to have is a good story, product, or service and I owe it to you or any stranger (who says he or she has a good product) to introduce him or her to a good contact or mine! People really think this way!? According to this writer, it doesn’t matter if I actually know or trust the person wanting the business. As long as the person has a good product (or so he says), I should refer that person because I would otherwise “deny” my contacts “something good”!

Networking is not about hunting. It is about farming. It’s about cultivating relationships. Don’t engage in “premature solicitation”. You’ll be a better networker if you remember that.

Categories : VCP


  1. Stephen Butlere says:

    Is there a reason why you don’t have a linkedin share button? I find your articles very informative and would like to share them to my contact list.

  2. Cathy says:

    Dear Dr Misner,

    I have recently started working for myself at the age of 46 and for the first time have had to become “a salesperson”. I am also with the belief that a relationship needs to be developed first. This suits as this comes more natural to me but have often wondered how to maximise my opportunities when attending a networking function…when to go in for the kill and do I need to become more aggressive in my sales approach. Your likening Networking with farming not hunting has helped me put this in perspective. Thank you.

  3. Hey Stephen
    Thanks for letting us know – we do have one – but it’s not working!
    We will get this fixed.

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